Kinda Adulting
You’ve been with us through our early twenties. Now, join Simone, Elise, and Jordan as we step into our thirties. Welcome back to Kinda Adulting!
Kinda Adulting
The Burnout Is Burning Out
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Are we setting boundaries… or just one inconvenience away from a breakdown?
This week, the girls share their latest adulting fails before unpacking Megan Thee Stallion’s recent breakup and the conversation it sparked around burnout, healing, and the pressure to always keep it together. They talk about choosing yourself, protecting your peace, and why being “strong” shouldn’t come at the expense of your mental health.
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Hey kind of adulting listeners. We're taking a quick break to enjoy the holiday weekend, but here's a throwback episode in the meantime. Talk to you guys soon.
SPEAKER_01You've been with us through our early 20s. Now join us as we step into our 30s. I'm Simone. I'm I'm Jordan. So how's everyone doing? How's the week going so far? Uh, the week has been busy.
SPEAKER_00I've been nonstop on the move. I went to French Quarterfest. I had fun. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That looks fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was very fun. I went to Dakar, which is this wonderful Senegalese and um like Creole restaurant. Bro, I was about to be like, you went to Senegal right after New Orleans. No. I finished. No, I went back home, but then I'm in Atlanta now, and then I'm going back to Dallas after this to go to the flowetry concert.
SPEAKER_01So that's the only reason you're going to Dallas.
SPEAKER_00Nope.
SPEAKER_02Okay. That's the only reason I'm going to Dallas.
SPEAKER_00That this weekend or next weekend rather.
SPEAKER_02Okay. How many times have you been to Dallas? You know who's been up there? You know.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you you should go see Jada's house.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She should she should be fingers crossed that like her closing and stuff is gonna be done. But yeah, I hope.
SPEAKER_03So it's gonna yeah, she needs to go off on somebody. She needs to go off on somebody. Somebody to be taken to task or a late closer.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, I've just been moving around and this is gonna be my last little lump of travel before Japan. So I'm also trying to get stuff together with that. But just busy, busy, busy. And a new wig.
SPEAKER_02And a new wig.
SPEAKER_01Ciao. Well, y'all can't see it, but Jordan has a new curly wig. It looks so post it with this stuff. What about you, Elise?
SPEAKER_03Um, I am I'm like a little delusionally tired. I was in, I traveled to Huntsville and then Birmingham this past weekend, and that was kind of like a whirlwind. Um, because my travel had ended up getting like rearranged due to the weather that was happening in Alabama, but it was good. I'm affirmed again that you know Alabama is my second home, but I cannot move there. Um but I had a great time, spent time with my grandma, and my grandma gets my nerves because I think she's crazy and I'm also crazy. I am like really grateful to spend time with her. I'm like, wow, like this is wild. My grandmother, um though I was using AI now, it was really helpful to like just when they try to try to debate me, my grandparents, instead of like debating them back, I would just say, hold on, I would record what they were saying, and then I put it in Chat GBT and I chat GBT to figure out like a logical response argument back to it to find flaws in their argument. So that was really helpful. Um, saved me some energy and bandwidth. My grandma, y'all know I can't drive. I'm not a ministry, yeah. Y'all know I can't drive well. And so my grandma and I were getting into an argument the whole weekend about me driving from Huntsville to Birmingham. And my grandma just got a new Mercedes in Atlanta like last year. Not even last year, I think it was like around Thanksgiving time. And she told me I had to drive a new Mercedes SUV. Y'all know I can barely drive a golf cart. I'm like, no, I'm not about to, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. And so I was my allergies are really bad. So I was seasoned a lot on the way there, so I couldn't drive because hazard. On the way back, she said, okay, you have to drive. I'm 86 years old. Why would you want your grandmother to drive in? I'm like, you capable enough. Like, I don't know. I think I think you got it. I think you got it.
SPEAKER_0186. You need to probably take that over at least.
SPEAKER_03No, she's good. She's better than me. She's crazy. She's good. My grandma, good. So as we're whispered, as we're arguing, again, I'm like, okay, fine, I'll drive. Um, and we drove the chick. We're leaving out of Birmingham to go back to Huntsville, and we're gonna talk about Chick-fil-A to get like some lunch. We drive to Chick-fil-A 10 minutes to get lunch. Girl, not 10 minutes with the lock for me. Once she told me the Prindle thing, what is it called? Gear shift? What is it called? That thing? Yes, the gear shift was on the steering wheel, like the windshield wiper thing. Oh no, I was it was downhill from there. Isn't that very old school? Like it's a 2020 something. So then, as we drove 10 minutes, we had lunch, and then she said, at least, as we were walking out, she said, I'm gonna drive the rest of the way. She said, We're not gonna do that again. And I said, I'm happy you realized that because I tried to tell you in the beginning that this was not gonna be for me.
SPEAKER_01The fact that an 86-year-old woman would rather drive than let someone else drive for her is alarming. The fact that you don't see why your 86-year-old grandma shouldn't be driving for real like that, that's alarming too. And my almost 88-year-old grandfather picked me up from the airport, even worse. And he do you know how old 88 is? No one should take away their autonomy at all. They're so old. But however, I don't want to be driving next to no uncle's nine year old. I'm sorry. Listen, I feel that it's like, grandma, why are you moving like that? But it's a grandma. How can I be upset? And that's not fair to me as a driver because I want to have the proper anger and road rage as that's appropriate. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00When I told the old person driving, I'm like, where the grandkids at?
SPEAKER_01And and you're because we surely took my grandma's keys, she got in one too many accidents. One too many accidents, not in a few accidents, okay, like like three or four, and finally somebody's like, Let's take her keys. Well, it turned out also, you know, my grandmother has uh dementia. But like, imagine we did not take the keys from her, and this was slowly trickling. That would be crazy.
SPEAKER_00My grandma was like because she had we didn't realize she had dementia. That was crazy. That was crazy.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. No, that was wild. I remember in Proud Family, did it mama have to like take her driving exam when she was older or something? Don't they have to do that?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but my grandparents can drive better than me. I couldn't test. So you're supposed to take a new test and they're supposed to judge your eyes and stuff like that. They did to them, yeah. They did. Um listen, I was more embarrassed when I got there. My grandparents gotten newer phones than I do. They said they both got new phones last week, and I was like, oh, really?
SPEAKER_01That is true. They are staying, you know, they're staying different times, and I like that. My grandma serves me emojis. If you don't say signs, you're gonna be forgotten, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I will say though, so like two weeks ago, um, they couldn't get in. My grandma, my grandma, like, she's a retired professor, but she still like works. She has all these all these little jobs she has for herself. So she's always in her email, and she couldn't get into her email. She said her email was broke, couldn't get into her email, the computer was broken, whatever. But the email was the main portion that she was just talking about. I was like, okay, you should really call like our her nephew, like you should call him to come over, like come help you who lives in Alabama. Um, she didn't listen to me. They just went and bought a new computer. And I'm like, I don't know if that was a solution if you couldn't get into your email to buy a new computer. And they did. So they got a new computer, they still couldn't get in their email. Yeah, and but also like last year when I was there a lot. My granddad, the TV, because they keep on buying these TVs, these smart TVs, and I was saying it wasn't working, but they told him a broken TV. So we kept on buying T when I was there for two weeks. He bought three different TVs, and he told them that it was their fault. I'm like, I think it's just the I think it's the human error. I don't know if how many TVs.
SPEAKER_01No, it's so funny. They sound so advanced, but that's where the age is coming in for sure.
SPEAKER_03Buy a new computer, and they came and set it up, and they she said, we're green.
SPEAKER_01They probably went to that store and were like, sir, I can't get in my email. And they're like, Well, why don't you have a new computer? Excuse me. You know they advised him to do that.
SPEAKER_03And they she said, I and then she but then they told him when she told me, I said, Grandma, you didn't have to do that. She said, Well, it works now.
SPEAKER_00So I said, Well, I guess that's a very sensitive solution.
SPEAKER_03But if you got it, if you got it, girl. Um, I was telling my grandmother that I was overstimulated, and she was like, What is stimulated? That's just a verbabulary word that you don't know of. I'm like, no, it really just means there's too much going on right now for me. She's like, You just trying to diagnose yourself. I'm like, no, I am diagnosed actually, so I'm good. I'm good.
SPEAKER_00Gaslighting in um non-driving on Elise's side.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, those are very long check-ins. No one, how are you doing?
SPEAKER_01I'm doing okay. I celebrated a lot of um birthdays this weekend. Like my friend has what did I do Friday? Friday. We saw Michael, wonderful, love Michael. I'm very obsessed with these people, like, and it's I don't I think it's a healthy obsession, but like there's a few big names like Michael, Luther, Whitney, and Janet, where I'm just utterly obsessed. Like, I know too many things about these people. And I like if a video pops up, I just watch video after video after video all day. And it's like we've been listening to Michael Jackson nonstop since again. So whatever, wonderful time. And then, yeah, like there's a lot of birthdays. Like, my friend had a solid core 30th, 29th birthday. Oh, who hated that? Um I like it. I like it. There's a birthday dinner. I love you, Laura. Sorry, no shade. And then there was a birthday dinner, and then um my friend who's a little older than us, she has a five-year-old, so there's like a bowling party, and we just went to the bowling party. Um, so it was like three birthdays, it was like a lot, but it was fun, and it was fun seeing people, and it was a good start to the week. So yeah, good time. Um, but I was gonna say we are sort of temperature temperature checking or trying out a quick segment called Adulting Fails. I the thing is, I wanted this to be about like things that are going on in the world. I don't really have a real adulting fail that I've seen. If I had one, it would be what today's topic is about. But I guess like failing the hot girl, how could you do our girl Megan like that? And we'll get more into that later, but you fail. Sorry, like it just doesn't even make sense. And why do these men keep failing? These just women. Like, I get we don't know these people in real life, but like me along, you know what I'm saying? Meg, it just doesn't make any sense. So that's my adult team fail. I don't really have a good one. Do you guys have a good one that you've seen?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I'll give my personal one for the week. Um, you have a personal one, all right. Yeah, you know, adult team fails, you know, personal pop culture, you know, the vibe. Uh, which one? Which one? Which one? I have one that happened two weeks ago that I didn't tell y'all. Oh, did I tell y'all about? I don't know. No, you're not on the podcast, but one I did today, which was very like not smart. I so I've been really into making coffee lately. I wanna, you know, I have my own coffee cups that I put my own stickers on. And I um was cleaning out my fridge, and basically, long story short, I drank some expired milk today this morning. Okay. But my coffee was so cute. See, I made it. I don't know. It's got this cold, the cold foam was really thick, and I should have known when the cold foam whipped so thickly that the milk something was off. Because the thing about it is that I when I got out of traveling and I got back yesterday, I was cleaning out my fridge, and I one carton of milk was not expired and one was. And so I just I thought I picked up the wrong, I thought I picked up the picked up the expired one and poured out, but I guess I didn't. The the milk, but the coffee was good. Oh, you finished it. No, I had about two sips, and then something told me to say, let me just go get some like get a snack. And then I looked and I said, wait a minute, and it was 12 days expired. Oh fuck. So then I had another sip of it because I just really good though, cold foam. And then, but then I felt severely ill for for for my stomach started. My stomach started within a within an hour. That's typically how that goes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um I had some expired Greek yogurt, not today, but and I remember eating it, and I already didn't like that type. It's like this really, really granular Greek yogurt that Rubens buys, like, and so we usually mix it with the better tasting one. And I remember eating it and just thinking, this is so disgusting. Like, please don't buy this anymore. I texted him that, and then he was like, Are you talking about the one with the red label? And I was like, Yeah. And he was like, I think it's like curdled, it's like expired. And I was like, Small, like, I'm eating expi like expired Greek yogurt. Are we serious? It's already yogurt, I bet it's already a red flag, and then I bet it was slimy. I bet it's like slimy. I literally threw it out. It was like actually disgusting. I'm like, I'm eating disgusting yogurt that is curdled. Are we serious? I felt sick too, so I get it.
SPEAKER_03And then one thing that happened too, maybe three weeks ago at this point. I fainted at work.
SPEAKER_02What?
SPEAKER_03And it was like a it was like a like I was hyper in the at the office. I was like, this is literally like a like insecure TV show moment, bro. Like it was crazy. And um, yeah, it was crazy. I don't like I we were getting um massages. Chair massages. A very big gym brand was like luxury gym brand was like at the office and they were like doing like pop-up activation. They were giving like free chair massages. I got one 15 minutes, right? And like at toward the end, I felt my like I um my heart started racing, and I was like, this is really strange. I've got massages before it's crazy. And then I felt my body going numb, and then my my eyes, my vision, sort of like black and spotted. And so basically I fainted. Um, and which was crazy. So I fainted in the chair. Uh I they're taking my pulses. I keep them taking your pulse, her pulse is kind of low, but it's fine. They called 911. I mean, you can imagine it was a whole scene. I was also in a dress, mind you. Um, but fast forward, um, I am in a room in the maternity, you know, the breast pump room. And it's all these people who I've never met for the first time in the EMTs with me in said room, um, as they're doing my vitals and asking me all these questions. And then I'm gonna like, do you faint often? And I'm like, no, I don't, actually. Um I was just mortified. I was mortified. Um, yeah, also like I was sweating because like it was like all a matter of like 10 minutes, and so like I was like drenching my sweat. It was a crazy experience. I thought like I was really almost about to have a heart attack. Like it was very, very scary. I was terrified. Um, and so what's basically what the EMTs told me, and then my primary care the next day is that I had a sudden drop in blood pressure, and like that that would led to it, and I most likely like a blood vessel pop um in something, and that was just like a freak accident that happened. So nothing to be done um right now. So, but wild experience.
SPEAKER_00Wild not sure about that. I wish y'all could see the face me and Simone are making right now. Girl, sit down, Sonic, please. I did, I but I was just did you eat that day?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I wonder if I could talk more about it. I wish I wanna I should give I could give y'all the whole rundown of what happened because it was the most it was the most like TV moment, like it's having been a long time. Like, from and I did eat. Like I should have had more food to eat, but I wasn't like I wasn't that dehydrated. I had less food than I typically had that morning because it was like a lot of healthy food in the office. So like I had a smoothie bowl and I had had a smoothie before I went for at home and I had some stuff, but Lee, when I was walking out, someone was like, Yeah, I know she didn't probably eat today either. I was like, I that's embarrassing.
SPEAKER_01Not impactful.
SPEAKER_03I say we're eating. I say we're eating. I was like, if I don't get out of here right now, please.
SPEAKER_01We're praying for you. That's insane. You need to it was talking about this big accident. Um, Jordan, do you have any adulting fails?
SPEAKER_00Not like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I miss my flight. Oh, I missed my flight real bad.
SPEAKER_03That's an that's gonna be the moment.
SPEAKER_00I this is a time where I just had ADHD blindness and that I've never experienced before. Because this is Friday. I worked on Friday. Fine, cool, whatever. I usually take naps every day. This day I was up moving. I was washing clothes between like doing work and stuff, and I I read in my sheets, read it my bed, I put a new mattress topper on. Like I was working. Okay. Working. And I was like, okay, I literally put into Chat GPT what time should I go to the airport if my flight leaves at 450? Well, I'm sorry, I said 430 because I thought it was 430. And this is where I messed up. I realized my flight was at 450. So I was like, oh, I have extra time. She did not hear, she did not have extra time. Cue this taxophones. I was like, oh, I forgot. I made lunch today. Let me go um put this stuff up. I couldn't put it in the water the dishwasher because it was the castor and pans. I'm like, oh, I have to wash the dishes and then I dry it, put it up. And then I was like, oh, my um stove is a little dirty. So I'm like spray, spray, spray it. I'm like, okay, well, I can't just spray the oven and not the countertop spray. Jordan. Jordan. Wash, wash, wash, wash, wash. Then I was like, oh, well, I just can't leave crumbs on the ground. Started to vacuum the floor. Jordan. Started to vacuum the floor. Then I called my Uber. I was already dressed, everything, shoes on, ready to go. Call my Uber. It took eight more minutes. They kept re-shifting and re-giving me drivers. I paid for priority, mind you. I said, that's okay. I live 12 minutes from the airport. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I get to the Uber. They open up the back trunk and he had the third row. And so I couldn't put my uh luggage in there. And then I was like, I'm about to send this to my flight. This is this is when I knew it. I said, you know, I can do my part, but I can't do other people's part too. So he get out the car, put the seat down, put my stuff in there, get back in the car, we drive and da-da-da-da-da. He doesn't speak English. So that's like all right, cool, whatever. He drops me off at arrivals, not departures. So I have to run downstairs. And I get to the desk and I said, Hello, how are you today? I said, I'm supposed to be on the flight that's boarding right now. And she was like, Oh, yeah, we can't, we have to get you rebooked because we can't check your bag in. I was like, Yeah. So I found out that Delta is the 45 minute mark. I came at the 33 minute mark.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's always been a rule.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. That's why I don't check bags. I think because I was like, oh, I'm so close to the airport. I didn't factor in the fact that somebody has to get to me first to get to the airport. But all right.
SPEAKER_01Well, y'all are really on one today.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna I got rebooked for free. I don't know how to do it.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's actually good. Yeah. Yeah, it was a nice flight. Um, yeah, praying for y'all. We hope you get it together. So, anyways, we're gonna move into our discussion. You guys stay tuned. Okay, so today we're gonna have a little discussion about our girl, Meg and Clay Thompson. I mentioned that earlier in the episode, but we are gonna bring it back, you know, as we always do, and and address some like real, I feel like adulting issues or just sort of things that we go through. Um, but to start us off, just giving us a little context. Our favorite girl, Meg DeStallion, has been dating Klay Thompson, I think over a year. Um, met his family, they bought a home and all the things. And she recently took to social media to let us know that her and Klay were dumb, that there was infidelity, and that he no longer wanted monogamy. Um, excuse me. There's been a lot of dialogue about this situation, especially for men, as always. Um, but more specifically, there's been commentary even around um she was doing like a Broadway stint, and she decided to end the stint a little bit early so she could heal and and sort of just grieve that experience. And a lot of people. Took some or had some disdain for that decision. And so, you know, I think first I would ask you guys like what your initial thoughts are about the breakup and the infidelity and all the things.
SPEAKER_00I just want to say I'm glad that Megan is an example of you don't have to fight through it. You don't have to, you know, de deal with it, right? Like, and I especially feel like, you know, people who post like what happened, or people who tell their family or tell their friends what happened, like that's a clear thing of like or a clear signal of I'm trying to be done with this for real, for real. Like, I can't come back to this. And I need y'all to hold me accountable because if I do, if you see me again with that man, I'm gonna need you to say something, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I do applaud her of being like an example of that because I feel like in a lot of our music and a lot of our celebrities that we I don't say necessarily say look up to, but have as you know, examples of marriage. It's a lot of, oh, we work through infidelity or we work through this and that. And I just don't want that for myself. And I refuse to have that for myself, right? So I think that her kind of putting that out there, her, you know, trying to push through, um, do what she has to do is great. But I also understand how much healing and how hurtful that can be, especially since, you know, they didn't publicize this relationship until like after they were together for a minute, right? So it's just like, dang, I really thought that this was like a little bit further than like people I'm just talking to on the side, you know. So it's definitely crazy. And then why do people why do people get into relationships with people who are monogamous and and and think that they could change your mind or not even change your mind, not give you the the autonomy and the decision to be with somebody who'll be cheating? Like, you know, like you knew he was gonna be cheating.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because apparently, like I didn't know this, but apparently he's cheated on a few people. I didn't either. I didn't know it either, yeah. Yeah, and like some high-profile women as well. I mean, first, I think that was wonderfully said. I totally agree with you, and it kind of channels into what we were gonna talk about today, anyway. Um, my other thought around it is I just hate this conversation about like how why is she taking it to the public? Like, why is she putting on her social media? And I'm just like, one, they're public figures, and most of what they do is already in the forefront. But it's like, why do I have to keep it a secret now that he's done wrong? If I publicize my relationship and I put it out there, all the good stuff, I can also say, well, he did bad. Like, why do I have to protect this man who didn't protect me? Like, I have I'm a normal person who has emotions, and you know, like if that's just not my nature to be private about that, I don't have to just do that, you know, what to protect him or to, I don't know, lap on my business. Like, what are we talking about? Like, I just I hate that dialogue too.
SPEAKER_00And why do why does she have to be embarrassed? He's the one that cheated.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Call him out. What are you talking to me for? Exactly.
SPEAKER_01And that's the last thing, like the other dialogue I just hate is just how people have responded and talked about her as a woman, as a black woman. It's just really unfortunate. And I just feel like my girl can never catch a break.
SPEAKER_03It makes me sad because I really like Meg. Um, and I need to hope that she can find like happiness. I honestly didn't really know the extent of them dating. I knew they were dating. I didn't know they had bought a house. I didn't know they were that serious. Like, I don't know, it wasn't on my life.
SPEAKER_01The men online say that's not serious. It's not serious to buy a house with someone. They said that. The same people that say having a baby is not serious to buy a house. They also said it's not serious just because you met his parents and spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with them. That's what they said.
SPEAKER_03Just when they're but to buy a house, like that's just like what? Um, I don't know. It was another bad promo for men. I'm telling you, man. It really is just like and how they respond. It just, you know what I mean? Because I want to. And I want to get in the field this weekend. And I was like, we want to. In the field this weekend, when I was kind of then, I was just thinking, I was like, oh God, grimy, grimy, grimy, grimy.
SPEAKER_00Just messed it up for everybody.
SPEAKER_03I just I don't know, man, because I was with my grandma. I know she's like, oh, I want my granddaughter to get some bad, but then I just see these, I see the stuff online that the men do. And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. Like, is karma not come on? Do y'all not feel the energy of like karma and like doing or are you not worried about it, right? Yeah, I'm just not worried about karma or I just maybe women are maybe because of women you don't care. I don't know. Well, that stuff really be Jesus. It is definitely scare straight. That's all I know. That's what it is.
SPEAKER_00And I want to clear something up too. Like, I know we were saying, like, oh, like it makes us think about like all the different like men in the world or whatever, but it's not even just like, okay, Klay Thompson cheated, so every man is gonna cheat. Klay Thompson cheated, and then men responding to the situation, showing that they're maybe even worse people, right? So it's not like one man's actions terribly, everybody who is chiming in and saying all these different things, they're representing themselves, and that's what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_01Like they circulated a picture of her in a very compromising position with men behind her, as if they were lined up to take their turn with her. Oh my gosh. Mace, you know, Cameron and Mace, I don't know, y'all know basically said something to the line of he had his turn, now it's the next person's turn to take a ride. Oh. And so when men's response is that, even when the men's responses or their focus is on the fact that a lot of women are saying stuff like, I don't even know who Klay Thompson was until he dated Megan, that's their focus. Like, well, y'all are lying, he's a basketball star. Why are we not focusing on what happened? Like, we want to talk about everything else. Well, why is she posting online? Why is she doing this? Why don't we talk about the cheating? Like, or the fact that they broke up even, right? Like, the way that men have handled this is just another supporting piece of evidence for us as to why we should feel and act the way we do. And so I think going into our conversation, right? We've watched Megan navigate extremely intense public scrutiny, legal battles while, you know, still maintaining her music output and showing up, you know, generally just as the star that she is. And I think that it brings a question for us, you know, in terms of how do you guys protect your reputation and your mental health, even when life is getting loud, right? Like a lot of times we're dealing with separations. It could be personal, it could be professional, family matters, um, interviewing for different roles, um, applying for school, starting new relationships, right, that are stressful, whatever the case may be. Um, and we're often sort of expected to just continue going on. And I think even in the current world environment with everything that's going on in the world, you're still supposed to be on that Zoom call at 8 a.m. And you kind of just have to keep going. And so I think the first, like, sort of point here is, you know, how do you guys sort of maintain your reputation, maintain your mental health when life is getting so loud? The saxophones start getting loud.
SPEAKER_00Um, well, I try to be balanced in what I do, but I know I'm very not balanced in what I do. Um, I've handled it both ways. Like I've gone really hard at work, started exercising, doing all the all the things like on the outside, you would think like, oh my gosh, she's like got herself together. And I was reeling, like I was, I was going through it and I just needed something I can control. So it was just like I'm gonna keep up with the schedule. I'm gonna do this because it's like everything else is out of my control. Um, so I I was on a really good end, quote unquote, but I was still burning myself out. And then I've been on the opposite end where I'm just like not caring about anything. I could barely get up out of bed, I can barely like make time to just do what I need to do. Um, because I just could not function. Um, so I'm trying to find that balance. Um recently I have cried to my manager and she gave me a week off work because she was like, I don't know who this is. This is you need to get that together, essentially. In a nicer way, but she was just like, I've never seen you like this. So this means that you're at your breaking point, essentially. Um, so I did take time to myself, which I feel like I really needed, and I didn't have a list, I didn't do anything in that time, but I don't think I have like a proper way to get through it. I'm still learning, but I just feel like I've been burning myself out on both ends. Like I work super hard and I burn myself out, or I'm just like non-functioning, and I'm like, I need to get it together. Um so I I feel like I'm still learning. Um, but I feel like on the outside, it just it shows up as me either working overworking, or it's me like late to everything, or forgetting to turn something in, or um, you know, not remembering that I had a meeting on this day and all this other stuff. So I feel like it shows up two different ways, and I'm still trying to find that balance of like how do I just mitigate going too far on either end.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I feel like for me it's definitely about finding the balance, but I really try to live with a sort of perspective of taking each thing at a time, um like with life. Um because I can be a person that's like it's just not that serious, or I can be like, it's the end of my world, right? And so I try to assess each situation that I'm in as it comes, um and sort of just like process how I'm going to take it on, how I'm gonna deal with it, I guess. Um and I think if going if thinking about like what's going on in the world, I mean, I have had trouble. Like I was a point, there's a point where I was overly consumed with all things happening, and it was like weighing on me, and I had to like take a step back. I had to take certain steps to sort of disconnect a bit. And I find that I'm a completely different person, right? Like, like I don't talk about those things all day, every day, and I do feel healthier because I'm just like not mentally taking on all of the issues that are happening right now. Um, I also try to take that perspective in my own personal life, right? Like with certain transitions that I'm in, I obviously have moments where it like hits me or there's like an emotional moment. Um, but then it's like, okay, I guess what's the positive in this situation? Like, and I guess that's what I mean by just taking it in stride and like, okay, this situation is gonna go this way. Excuse me, I'm gonna try to react this way. I'll have off moment. I don't know. Like, I just really try to move at a certain pace and just ease myself into dealing with things that are, you know, happening. Um and you know, just show up as my best self at work in whatever capacity that means.
SPEAKER_02I go to sleep.
SPEAKER_03Um, I go to sleep, but like I think really like Joan, I feel like I'm in the vibe you're talking about now. I've like really in like a not caring vibe about a lot of things right now, and that's been kind of hard because I think maybe the season before earlier this year, I was in a different mind space of like being more focused, more driven. I've been definitely feeling more discouraged lately, the last like maybe six weeks or so. So that's been made, I've been struggling with when I was in my most productive phase. I mean and Pinterest are really big right now. Pinterest is like my reminder for things. I have like a mindset board, and like when it's like I like save motivational stuff to it each day to help me get out of bed and get my life together. And one of the quotes that I suck to, I think earlier last year was like stick to the plan and not the mood. So like I didn't want to do a lot of stuff, like I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to like do the things at all. Like, I didn't want to like take my recycling down, like I didn't want to make my bed, I didn't want to go to the gym, right? But it was more I didn't want to study, right? It was like, okay, but like stick to the plan, not your mood. And I think what helped me most with that was like changing instead of making myself feel bad about like why do I why am I so upset about this thing that happened for my feelings? Why do I why am I feeling lazy because I can't like clean my apartment? Why am I feeling unmotivated to like do this or that for like my professional or like personal life? Um, I started changing my environment. So like that were like that looked like me like last year going to the library to study, right? Like I knew if I sat at home, I would just like lay down. I'll go to sleep. Um, so I go into the library or like um on weekends, like for my personal admin. If I knew I needed to like handle my insurance stuff or whatever, like me doing that in my apartment, laying down, it I was more likely to go to sleep. Literally, let me go to sleep. Uh I just like watch TikToks until infinity. So I started going to the coffee shop and like going coffee, but not across from my apartment, like farther away, and just sitting there and saying, Okay, well, you don't have to do this stuff, but like once I was already there, had my coffee. It was like, okay, you're already here. Like, you can't just fall asleep, you buy an eight dollar latte, like do something. And like the body doubling really helped of me being around other people. Like, I live alone, I work from home. So, like, just that peer pressure, it really helped to see other people like doing stuff. Um, the reputation thing is funny because I'm like, I don't think I had a reputation now, as like I think I would imagine reputation, like maybe like how you try to protect it if you were like in school or something, because you're around people who perceive you a certain way. I don't think I had like I don't know, it's interesting. I don't think I had to uphold a reputation. I don't think I I have one. But I can take it back. I think there's certain things, for example, like if I don't feel like going somewhere, like I felt really sad last week and I had to be in an event for a friend who's like done a lot for me and like I needed to be at that event. Um, I did not want to go, not because I don't love them and like I really appreciate them. I was just feeling really down about life. But I guess in that my I guess my baby reputation comes in a point of like I want to show up as a good person in my life who have done people who have done stuff for me. And so even though I don't I want to lay in bed because I don't feel like going, like, I need to get out of bed and be there for that person who has done a lot for me. And I'm gonna show up because like he deserves to like for me to make for me to be there. Um I was late, I will admit, I was late, but I was there, and so I guess maybe that's the reputation thing of somehow you put on a put on a face just to be there, even if you don't feel like it because other people perceive you. I don't know. Reputation thing is interesting.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I also think it's interesting because like I kind of got distracted in my answer, but I didn't mean to say, like, in some ways I don't care about a reputation. Like, I know we talked about respectability politics before. Like, I feel like as I've gotten older, I'm more just like I am a full-verse person who has up and down days, who has emotions, and I'm not gonna necessarily hide that anymore. Um, but it's interesting that you brought up the friend thing because it's like I do feel like in my personal life there's a reputation, obviously, right? Like for showing up and whatever, being consistent, and that can be hard at times because sometimes like I just don't want to talk, right? Like I just you know, somebody's been calling you for a while, it's like I don't want to talk, right? But it's like um, and so I think that there's a another part of reputation that comes into play there that I just didn't even think about until you said that. So that's interesting. Um, and so I guess since you know, we said we don't really care about the reputation part.
SPEAKER_00Um well I will say I do, I do. Um, I do care in a sense of like with my work. Um, I know I have up and down days. Um actually, it's a thing at work right now. I won't go too in in depth with it, but basically, like we're supposed to have a minimum amount of like events, right, per day. I don't I don't hit that, right? I like I don't that's not how I work, that's not how I strive to work. So it's just like I'm doing really well outside of that. Um, because for me, if I granularize or make my day so restricted to making sure I just hit this number, I'm not gonna do well in anything else. I'm just gonna try to do that portion because it takes a while to do. Um, I just try to focus on getting as much sales as I can. Um, and so it's working in the sense of like I'm exceeding plan, I'm getting all these shout-outs and all this other stuff. But every meeting is like, okay, but we need to work on this. Okay, but we need to work on this. And I'm like, and I've gotten to the point where I've made a reputation for myself, right? That I know that people know that I'm doing work, right? It's not a oh, she's not doing anything, type of situation. And it's been a reputation of like I've always had everything in place, always had things done the right way, the correct way. Everything was in tip top shape, nobody has to worry about Jordan. But now, like, this is a recurring theme, and I'm like, do you want me to sell or not? Like, I but I that's just at the point of life where I'm at. I just feel like I'm kind of maybe outgrowing the level that I'm at right now to where that matters. Um, and for me, I'm trying to balance doing what I have to do with showing up how I want to show up at work. Um still making these different relationships and stuff, because then I am trying to um promote out from this position. Um, so it's just like a thing that I'm going through right now, currently, because I'm like, everybody knows I'm I'm working, everybody knows I'm selling. It's obviously showing in the numbers. Why does this matter?
SPEAKER_01But it's something that can't help me back. So it's interesting that you said that because I was gonna ask how you sort of handle um misconceptions, maybe even about your reputation without sort of deterring it, deterring you from like the end goal. And it sounds like because maybe you're not getting that activity number, there could be misconceptions. Yeah, not that you're not working, yeah. Like, you know what I mean? So, like, do you feel like you have to sort of play maintenance control with that or like yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So actually, it's another example too. Like, I work in a company where people do like hands-on demos, right? But I'm inside sales, so I that doesn't matter for me. And I was told today, actually, that somebody made a comment about how I wasn't picking tools up and participating. And my manager kind of shut it down. Was like, okay, but we have a plan for it, so it's it's okay. Like, why are you bothered, right? Um, but it's just also like this has nothing to do with me. Like, why am I doing this just to appease you? And so, like, for me, it it just doesn't make sense. But to other people, it's just like, oh, she's not playing, like, like she's not playing the game, like she's not doing what she has to do. And it's just like, all I have to learn is how to talk through this so I can talk through it on the phone with the person. I don't need to pick up a tool to do that, right? But it doesn't, it stands out because oh, this is this person that everybody talks about, da-da-da, leadership talks about, and she's not even, you know, like people have preconceptions, like a lot of people know that I don't know them.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And so I didn't even know that I was on people's minds like this. It's kind of weird to me. It's just like, oh, why are people thinking about obsessed with me? Why are you so obsessed with me? Right. But I have to realize that like people are watching, people are looking, and if they only hear good things from other people, they're gonna point out the one bad thing, right? And so for me, I'm just kind of like, how can I not dilute myself and my abilities by focusing on this, like what I see as like micromanagement task? Um so that I can get to the place that I want to go to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, so I'm at that crossroad right now where like my reputation like kind of precedes me, and I'm like, okay, I'm I'm known to do all this, this, and that. That's fine. But if I don't understand it or if it doesn't make sense to me, I I'm I'm kind of slow to join.
SPEAKER_01So um that's interesting. And then I think another point is right, like a lot of it seems like a lot of being older and being a grown-up or an adult. Um it seems to be focused on resilience, right? For example, with Meg the Stallion and everything she's going through, people expect her to sort of just get on with it and move on, right? Versus like sort of sitting in her feelings and experiencing whatever has happened to her. Um and I feel like part of resilience is also knowing when to speak, you know, when to let your success do the talking, right? Like how do you guys feel like you've learned to set boundaries with your friends, with your family, or even coworkers, right? Like sometimes you're not in a place to be resilient. I need to be honest, like this, I'm not happy, right? Like this is not a good time for me. Um and then when do you sort of just kind of let it be and um you know, just kind of push forward, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because even with the Meg thing, right? There's I remember seeing discourse around how people were getting on her about leaving the Mulan Bruge thing early. Cause this did she say the reason that she okay, y'all correct me if I'm wrong. So she was supposed to go longer, right? Then she said that she was gonna end sooner than that. But did she say the reason for her ending was because of the breakup, or did she just say it she was ending for other reasons?
SPEAKER_01I didn't see the actual statement. I got the gist. It was kind of just like I need to heal and rest type of ads.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, but like what do you what do y'all think? Because I know people were getting getting online, getting on her, saying like you had a commitment, right? Like something ha like stuff happened, like you should have stick stuck with it. And there were also other people saying, like, she doesn't owe y'all anything.
SPEAKER_01Um I I think it's complicated. Like, I think Jordan had a really good point earlier with what she was saying. I think I come from a place of like I had parents who never let me quit. I have been on teams with people who miss practice for okay. Funny story with this. I'm in college, played college volleyball. I never missed one practice. Uh not for being sick, not for injury, but I did not miss one practice in four years. People miss because their dog died, people miss because they had a cold in the morning, whatever the case may be. And I remember one time I was asleep. I'm sorry, it was like a it was like a midday practice, I think. And um I said I took a nap and I overset my alarm. This is like senior year, and I get there and my coach is going off on me. And I kind of gave it back to her in the moment. And I was like, I've never missed a practice, and I'm late to a practice, and you're going off on me like this, where people have been absent, we don't even know where they are. How dare you, basically? And she called me and she's like, Don't ever come from me like that in front of people. And I was like, No, I had to say that because absolutely not, right? And I say that because you in front of other people, this is in college, this is in college, but I had to say that because for me, I come from such a place, like I was not allowed to miss practices, I was not allowed to miss school, and that's something I hold very seriously, right? And still to this day, like it is something that I struggle with of like when to sort of take the break and when not to take the break, right? Because it's, you know, like I cannot push through this moment, right? And so that's why I say it's complicated because on one hand, I definitely feel like you made a commitment and you need to follow through with said commitment. People have paid you a contract, but at the same time, her having gone through so many things in this life, she may have felt like if I continue with this Broadway show, I am going to be down bad again, right? And so I just try not to judge in that moment because I just feel like as we talk about taking mental health more seriously, you also have to respect someone's decision, whether you would do that or you agree with that or not, right? Yeah, um, and so that was like a long way to say. I just feel like I respect her decision. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00And then also I just want to bring this up. She was hospitalized too. She was like during one of the shows, she I I guess she, I don't know if she passed out. Yeah, from exhaustion. Yeah, yeah. So it's just like it can be a whole bunch of things. And you could just hit a point where you're just like, look, I'm gonna do what I can do, but I can't do it all, right? And then it also kind of brings up this situation with Monoleo for me, um, how she had like something with her uterus, she had like this something, something, something very serious. And she was so upset that she had to cancel shows, right? Because she was like, Oh, I'm gonna come back. And I was thinking, no, you're not. Like in my head, I'm like, I know somebody that went through that year. No, you're not. Like, no, please don't, actually. Um, and she was so upset that she had to cancel the shows. I think she just rescheduled all of them again. But I think as black women, we we are taught like we can't just not show up, we can't just like cancel. Um, and I think like it it gets to a point, it gets to a detriment where we're not considering ourselves, we're considering everybody else and how we appear, but nobody's gonna care if you're dead, you know, honestly, and it gets to that point, and nobody's gonna care if you're dead.
SPEAKER_03And those are people are not gonna be there at your bedside, people who bought the tickets, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01And those same people will cut you immediately, trust me. I know. I was gonna say something funny to that is like because you have the work from home environment, I don't take off days for being sick. Um and there was a November, y'all, where I got so sick, and I was literally working from my bed on my computer. Come Friday, when I say it hit me like a like a storm, and basically I had the flu, and I was working through the flu. And after that experience, I started trying to do better about like if I was feeling sick, just taking the day and sleeping. Yeah. When I say people have a point, sleep does help when you are sick, like I'll be goddamn, right? Like I say that because we have been brought up in this mindset that we just have to push, push, push, push, push. And your body's actually saying you're sick, and the only way I'm gonna recover is if you actually take this time and rest. And if you don't, I'm gonna kick into high gear and your ass is gonna be grass, right? Like, yeah, and so with Maileo, with Megan, like Jordan mentioned, the the first the sort of layer of us being black women and sort of already having this reputation of being so resilient without us wanting that, right? Um, the other bit of that is as we get older, really having to determine for ourselves, like, enough is enough, right? Like, or I'm just not gonna do this today, you know what I mean? And not feeling bad about it. Because my next question was gonna be, you know, with transition periods, but also even in cases like this, right? Where you just need a break, how do you stay focused, you know, on your personal plans instead of like worrying about what other people are gonna think about you having to take a pause? You know what I mean? I know Elise probably can definitely speak for this because um, I think with that, yeah, personal experience.
SPEAKER_03I think with this, I believe I had to reparent myself. Um, and someone said it to me a while, like maybe like um one of my old tutors said, but like you have to reparent yourself on certain things. Casmone, I agree. Like, up until COVID, like when I was in K212, and y'all know I was a sickly kid, my parents would have me at school, like even high school, I would be dead sick. Like, that was not a thing of people like of like staying home. I had staph infection in my leg. I could not walk out of middle school, like it was not a thing, and it was always of like I have to push through like a some invisible metal of pushing through. And I think after COVID, that um, and people start working from home, and then people really couldn't, if you were sick, it was like, don't come near us, you know what I mean? Like for real, like stay home. That I start putting myself more first for stuff like that. So when days I do feel ill, I'm like, I'm gonna go to sleep and I'm gonna rest because you know what? Like in the day, if something happens to me, like no one's going to be like, no one's really gonna be there, but the people who like are my friends and like my family. So, like, you know, put yourself first, put your health first. I think also watching other people in like different environments at work start doing that. I I think people take time off for having a headache or just for like feeling down, and I'm like, oh, like those things are also valid, and like I've respected, I'm like, yeah, we should take our time. Like, stuff is not that serious. Like, I've been with people who have worked through like family deaths, and I'm like, y'all take the time, please. Like, it's never like that serious to me. Um, and like wanting to make sure you're okay in that situation and like giving basically I what I've realized is that putting yourself first and then watch people do that more in the last couple of years, so I've done it more. Um, put myself first in my health, mental health, physical health, etc. Did the pause thing, yeah. So I would say you have to reparent yourself on that. I would say if someone who took a pause, um, you have to reparent yourself and tell yourself that like it's your life, it is you who you like like in the day, like that you're with, you know how you feel, and your your existence isn't for the joy or happiness of somebody else, right? And once I realize, like, and that that require me saying saying no to my family and being like, no, I want to do this, and no, you're wrong, and yes, I don't feel well. And yes, because you're saying I do like, you know how your parents are like, you're not that sick. And you're like, no, I am really that sick. Like, you know what I mean? Like, even at my big age, saying, like, no, I'm not I don't feel well.
SPEAKER_01I don't feel like doing this today.
SPEAKER_03I don't feel well. I'm gonna stay home, right? But even at my big age, you're gonna say my parents, I don't feel well, you're fine. We don't we don't even live in the same state, you know what I mean? But having to like um program myself to say what I think and how I feel is good enough, and my decision is good enough, and I don't have to um you know get your buy-in. But it's hard. I feel like I'll be parenting myself, yeah, around it because they talk about me like a dog, man. Um like a dog. Um, but I will say that once you do that, like tell people like, hey, I mean, I also have my friends also be like, girl, what, you know, people, everyone had a lot of opinions. But I think once you start walking in that path and you like don't let anyone deter you from it, and you're like, no, I really do feel this way, then people fall in line. I feel like everyone who's something to say fell in line. Well, that's that's how best work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're scared to put them in place, but once you put them in place, people have no choice but to respect them, or you're not gonna be in my life, right? People fall in line. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But I do think that from all of us who have who have parents be very involved, especially in our K th12 lives, right? That like having your reprogram and adult yourself is still going on at our almost 30 year age.
SPEAKER_01Like, but the funniest thing is, I think my parents have gotten to a point now where they're like the opposite, where they're like, you need an x-ray. And I'm like, no, I'm good. Or no, I agree. I agree. But I'm like, you made me this way, right? Like exactly I tore my HCL one summer. It took 10 x-rays before we finally were like, let's get an MRI. When I'm walking around with a hamburger on my knee, right? It's so swollen, and nobody's like, let's get an MRI. I'm playing sports. I had a sprained ligament. My mom still sent me to a volleyball camp. It just tore all summer. It wasn't her fault. But the point is, like, now they're the ones harassing me. Like, you have insurance, go get that looked at. Why didn't you check out? And it's like, you made me this way. Like, if I can push through it, I'm just gonna push through. I'm not gonna take it seriously. So that's so funny. First of all, it didn't take them work to do this. Oh my god. And they're like, why aren't you willing to take off work? Because did you let me take off school? Like the same as president.
SPEAKER_03Literally when I fainted, literally, I fainted, right? And like even when I even had my reaction like last year, year and a half ago, um, they were like, Can you go to the ER? I'm like, No, I'm gonna get some venture and go home. They're like, no, ma'am, like you, you can't, like, we've already called it, like, you're you're losing oxygen. I'm like, ambient costs money. Like, what you mean?
SPEAKER_00Literally, that's the first thing in my brain.
SPEAKER_03My dad's on FaceTime with the empty's around. Elise, you need to go to the hospital. We will pay for it. I'm like, can somebody record that? I'm like, you're gonna pay for it? We're gonna pay for it. My gosh. I'm like, how much is it again? I mean, he's like, and I can't barely can talk. They're like, ma'am, we really think. I'm like, and then my grandma's like, why would you do that? Why would you not go on the ambulance? I'm like, y'all are the same people that I would be sick. I had I had the one of the first days of COVID, y'all. And y'all can attest to this. And I, you know, y'all both know I did, like, you know, in 2020. My mom was in town for the first half of it, but I was so sick she didn't come near me. She was like, You're fine. I'm like, I was sick for two weeks. Like, um, like, what do you mean? But now they're like, That's I can't believe you're not gonna get in the ambulance for $500 or $2,000. I'm like, best believe I won't. Best believe I won't.
SPEAKER_02That's the trip. That's a trip.
SPEAKER_01But I have an ultimate story about that. I ran my head into my counter and my forehead. Uh what's that animal that can you pull the photo up? Can you just put the photo on the camera? Do you have a handy okay? I don't know where that is. It's so old. But it was so inflamed and called my parents. You need to go to the hospital, you need to go to urgent care. Why do I need to do that? You need to go, you need to go, you need to go. It's 10 p.m. or something like that. I finally found an urgent or I think a hospital near me that's open. Get to the hospital. I wait for two hours. The time they see me, the swelling went down. And you know what that lady told me? Go home and take whatever, like an ibuprofen or something. Tylenol. The hospital bill was $2,000. Oh my God. Okay, yes. And so that's my story on that. Okay. Anyways, um, that was a great discussion. You know, I feel like as we're continuously trying to show up in the world, we're constantly just sort of battling this idea of our reputation and trying to hold true to like sort of what people expect from us, but also finding ways to prioritize ourselves and our own mental health, right? And and making sure that we feel good as well. And so, Megan, we wish you the best, girl. We know you're gonna get through this because you are strong. And you don't have to be strong all the time, but you are strong and you will, you know, fight through this and you will come out on top. You're gonna get you a man who loves you, you're gonna get the life that you want, just like we all will, you know. But um, yeah, like we're praying for every girl out there who's sort of going through this type of, you know, scenario. So we will close the episode out there. Guys, if you have an adulting story to share, we want to hear it. DM your listener letters to the kind of adulting podcast page on Instagram or TikTok so we can feature them in our next listener letter segment. Thanks for listening, and we'll catch up with you next week.
SPEAKER_02Bye. Bye.